Breakfast With Charming Page 5

  “Don’t worry, I know they didn’t mean any harm, besides the whole Brandon thing was a month ago, I’m over it. I obviously miss him a lot at times, I see something funny that reminds me of him and then I understand I can’t text him about it anymore, but I am thankful of everything we went through. It was something that had to happen.”

  “You are incredibly mature for you age, did you know that? I lost Janeth around your age and it took me so long to understand that she was gone. Yet you’ve taken the whole thing so gracefully, ” he kept sweeping the floor so he couldn’t see how glad it made me that he acknowledge my grace around the subject. If he only knew I had cried rivers before arriving to this point maybe he would have a completely different opinion of everything I am.

  “You shouldn’t beat yourself up about the way you processed your pain. My situation and yours only have in common that we had to learn to live without the people we loved for so long, but the difference is that you are talking about death, I am only talking about a break-up. You are a really brave man, you went through a really painful process of rediscovery and came the other way stronger. You aren’t closed to love and you let yourself be vulnerable. You give your time, which is way more valuable than money, to children who want to get closer to God and you are a creative genius on his way to building an empire. You seem quite something for your age yourself.”

  He sat on the desk I was just about to clean and turned to see me. I fell into the deepness of his eyes and wondered why I hadn’t taken more advantage of the time I had share with him.

  “I wondered what Janeth thought about you, about your marriage, do you think she was happy?” I asked and immediately regretted the words that came out of my mouth. Why was I so reckless at times? Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shot?

  “We weren’t married yet. I was going to propose her to marry me a week from the day of the accident. I still had to find the ring and the perfect words to say but I think she would have said yes. We were each other best friend, and I would like to think she was happy with me, but I guess that is something you don’t really ever know, right?”

  “I think that is the problem with relationships, when you stop being as happy as you were in the beginning you just hope everything gets better and don’t say a word about it until you’ve consumed too much of your time being ‘okay’ with someone instead of enjoying the time together,” things with Brandon made me realise that I should have been more conscious of the signs he had given, even if I wasn’t having the time of my life, I was with the boy who knew me the most and I could have stayed there for a longer time but when the moment of truth arrived, I didn’t know if I would have stayed or if I would have left for the possibility of a better future.

  “It all boils down to communication, if you cannot tell the person you’re with you are not happy be it because you are afraid of hurting his feelings or because of the way he could react to that, then you are not in the right place. Relationships include being able to tell the truth despite everything and knowing how to get those hurtful sentences out of yourself in an assertive way to do the least damage possible to the relationship. How would you describe your perfect man? Was Brandon like that?”

  “I’ve though a lot about that lately,” I left the cleaning supplies in the red bucket on the floor and joined Samuel over the desk. Sitting in tables and desks was somehow way better than being in chairs “when I thought about the man I would someday like to marry I thought about something who could say the ugly thruth without holding back, my parents marriage broke because there were so many things left untold that one day they woke up and realised they didn’t know each other at all. And Brandon wasn’t a honesty lover, he thought it was more important to remain in peace at all times and at some point we didn’t even make an effort anymore, if something upset one of us we just kept it to ourselves. I wanted someone who I could trust, and with whom I could laugh and that was something I definitely had with Brandon but we didn’t have similar goals and I tried to minimise that but at some point we were going to such different places that sharing our journeys stopped being something reasonable. I think that is what he saw coming and I couldn’t see before. I would like my husband to have set goals, to work towards them and to share with me the progress he makes, I know it may not be possible for me to give good advice of something I will probably know nothing about but I am sure I could at least listen. I just want someone who is looking for the same. I want him to respect my relationship with God, that is now not negotiable. I missed so much the feeling I get from being here; Marilyn, Shawn, you… you are Heaven sent, I can feel such a special vibe from just hanging out with you.”

  “I think that is the way friendships are supposed to feel. If they don’t, maybe you are just acquaintances. I’m glad you decided to work with the kiddos, they are truly fond of you. One day you are going to make a spectacular wife and mother, don’t let your doubts get in the way.”

  “That really means a lot, specially since people have told me the exact opposite more times than I can count. Brandon always said that maybe the reason I didn’t want to get married or be a mother was because I was a little too cold, so it is nice to hear something different,” at the end, not even me proposing got him to say yes, there were so many needs I couldn’t fulfil for him and it was incredible to know that not even on our worst moment he hated me. Please God, take care of Brandon and send him someone who can give him what I didn’t.

  “You are not cold. I can see you wearing your heart on your sleeve at all times, you let people enter your life without having them pass through test of fire. You met Shawn the first day you arrived to the city and you talk as if you’ve know each other since forever, Marilyn and you became confidents in a matter of hours! And I know we didn’t start with the right foot but I could consider you one of my friends.”

  “You are a very special friend Sam, you don’t know how much everything you’ve said and done helped me healed. I was bleeding on people who didn’t cut me because I didn’t even know where was I hurt. The group and the kids have really helped.”

  “You must know that the things your parents went through has nothing to do with who you are now. And the moment you decide to take the chance of loving someone again as a couple, you will realise that you are not afraid of marriage, you just didn’t want to do it with someone of whom you weren’t certain. Deep down, your unconscious mind knew that Brandon wasn’t right for you and now that you know what you are looking for, you will realise that there are people with whom all of that will just come naturally.”

  “You really think that I could be marriage material?” How could he be so certain of something that I didn’t even know myself. Friends always have a different perception of who we are and maybe their perception is more real than the one that we have.

  “If it were just up to me, I would marry you right here and right now,” he said jokingly while his arm circled my shoulder and his hand caressed my arm.

  “Hey guys! How are you? I just came to pick my little hurricanes but Erin mother called to beg me to let the kids have dinner at her place so I have a moment of peace for myself. Do you want to doo something, go for a coffee or watch a movie? I’m up for everything,” said Marilyn excited about the possibilities of the evening.

  “I should go back to the house to work on some details, I don’t want to get behind and I don’t think you fancy spending your evening with hammers and brushes,” said Samuel taking his agenda out of the backpack. “Rain check? We could plan something together for Justin’s party. He’ll be out of the hospital in a week.”

  “I don’t mind playing constructor for the evening,” I said thinking about how doing anything together, even if it was something, I didn’t like that much would be way better than doing anything else alone.

  “Well, I am quite good painting walls, I could also be helpful,” and so Marilyn, Samuel and I went to play flipping squat for the rest of the day.

  When I walked into the house, the light from
the sunset broke through the glasses and stole copper glitter from the kitchen countertop. The entrance hall was painted on a beautiful yellow that made the sun rays seem endless, the concrete floor was a beautiful colour even when everything was covered with dust.

  “This is the place of my dreams. Did it look like this when I first came? I cannot remember it so pretty,” I said admiring the inner garden space near the kitchen. I could imagine myself harvesting garlic and tomatoes before doing a delicious Italian dish, having basil and cilantro planted to get fresh spices on my dishes.

  “Well, the only thing on this space that was like it is now is the concrete floor, everything else has been modified from what you saw. That is the magic of the flipping business.” Whenever he talked about his job his eyes shone and his voice carried the excitement of a little kid who is going to the zoo for the first time.

  A touch of cinnamon

  “I’m telling you, there is nothing better than cinnamon for baking. You can put it to just about anything and it turns out amazing,” said Becky as she furiously whipped the chocolate dough. Her dancing playlist was on and she swayed and jumped to the rhythm of old pop music.

  “This is really nice of you, you could have said no and we would have understood because all of the work you have. I am glad you are joining us to Justin welcome-back party, I am sure he will love you just as all the other kids do. It has been really hard for him,” my memories led me back to those horrific moments where I had to be at the hospital waiting for a response, any kind of response, to know Janeth was still alive. “I can’t imagine how nervous have been his parents lately, so many things can go wrong during brain surgery.”

  “You know Sam, you shouldn’t really worry about those things. There are not in our control and we must surrender to God, to trust his plan has a greater reason of being than what we can imagine. Not everyone is Janeth,” she left the bowl aside and hugged me out of nowhere. The very act of just being held by something so little and delicate somehow made me feel safer than ever. “Breathe out, let go of your worries and relax yourself Sam, you are really tense,” her voice was soft and gentle and I did what she suggested, my shoulders went down to their original position and I felt grateful of doing this with her.

  “Thank you for everything. You are really something else. Where had you been all my life?” I let go of her and thanked God for this flesh and bone angel.

  “I was just hiding from myself, running in circles and wasting my time on forcing things, but I am glad of everything that came before us because it helped me appreciate what we have now. I know we are not perfect, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel you are my home,” her eyes were full of truth and I could see her bare soul in front of me. Even after everything she had gone through this season, she decided the opportunity of perhaps, someday, becoming something more together.

  “I feel the same about you, now that I’ve found something as magical as we are, I feel I can rest. I feel I finally arrived home, please stay here. I will make every second of your time worth it. I don’t want the summer to end us, and if you decide to leave, please let me go with you, I don’t ever wish to be us apart,” she jumped to my arms and made me feel like a million bucks.

  “You always know the right words to say, I am not ever leaving you, I’ve talked to the embassy and they have renewed my contract I will stay here for a while more.”

  I could imagine a future with Rebecca, it was the only way I could imagine my future now. I can imagine us on lazy Sunday afternoons watching a movie and coming from work to see her face light up with happiness about the smallest things in life. I can imagine us together the next month and the next year and the next decade.

  I know that she is the one with whom I want to share the rest of my life.

  “I know this is crazy, and I don’t want you to freak out, you can just say it is way too early and I will completely understand. Becky, what do you think about marriage? Is it part of your life plan?” I wondered with my heart in her hand, knowing that if she said it wasn’t in her plans, I would have to understand that and my heart would once again be broken.

  The thing about hearts is that at first one could say they are really strong, they are made of steel on the outside and some hearts let almost no one get deeper than the surface. But to those who can actually penetrate the core of a strong heart, the center of it is made of brittle glass, and one small two letter word could be the wreck of everything in it.

  “I always thought it wasn’t my thing. My parents didn’t work out, I don’t want to end up like them. I don’t want the yelling nor the fighting and all the tears that were spilled, I really don’t want that. I am scared of us not working, but I would like to keep thinking that perhaps, there is a small chance that this could work, I don’t really know…what do you think about it?” She was afraid of being loved because during so much time she thought a marriage was supposed to be like the one her parents had. And the truth is that not all couples are destined to work out and than besides destiny, one had to work for a relationship to work and I am more than willing to teach her how things are supposed to be done.

  “I hear you and I understand that you are afraid of making the same mistakes that they did, but we are different. We are not rushing things, we are discovering what this could become and we are doing it through God. How can things ever be wrong if He is behind all of our decisions? Love is more than happiness and little hearts floating through the air. Love is a commitment, and I am willing to put all the work that is needed for this love to blossom. You translate so easily words from one language to another, know you will have to learn to translate one love to another one. Maybe I will not always be the most eloquent in our relationship, and I am sure than more than once I will be left speechless in front of our problems, but I want you to understand that I will always work towards building the love we deserve. Maybe your way of showing me your love will be a little message in the middle of my day, and maybe I will be so busy I will just answer with an emoji, but I want you to understand that I will always be there for you even if it is not through letters. I will love you when changing the lightbulbs in the home we’ll build and also when I mown the lawn before you even realize the grass is getting higher. I am not saying it is not going to be difficult from time to time, I am saying that I will never give up on us and working for this love will always be worth it,” I let her heart rest over mine and played with her hair while she let her feelings run free. Little droplets of water started dripping my t-shirt but I understood there wasn’t anything to worry about.

  “I want to marry you. I want to marry you while the snow falls from the sky and the streets are filled with snowmen and laughter because I know that even if my body will be trembling from the cold, my heart will steadily beat because it will join yours. I love you Sam,” her face fit perfectly on my shoulder and we stayed there, resting in a love embrace, knowing everything was going to be fine and that this love was a gold mine.

  A Frank Sinatra song appeared on her playlist and I remembered my grandfather advice ‘when Sinatra sings, you dance even if you don’t know how to do it’, so I took her hand and spin her around. Her jiggle was enough fuel for my dancing steps and I couldn’t care less if Sinatra wasn’t for shuffling, I was pulling off all of the steps I ever learned. Our dancing contest was the highlight of my week. This is the woman God had been saving for me, and I am glad his plans are better than mine.

  ∞∞∞

  I drove us to Justin house, when we arrived everyone was in the living room in total silence, waiting Justin to come down the stairs. Everyone had a glass with confetti, there were cakes and pizzas and everything Justin wasn’t allowed to eat while in treatment. When Justin made it to the bottom of the stairs a big “surprise” was heard and pop music started playing in the background. Confetti fell from everywhere and filled the air and the floor with colours, but the most beautiful thing to see was the smile of the kid who had beaten such a monstrous illness and was happy to see al
l of his friends from church.

  Georgia yelled ‘group hug’ and everyone circled Justin who was already crying. ‘We love you Justin’ shouts were heard everywhere and the spirit of God was with us, everyone could feel it. He was sharing this moment among us.

  “I just wanted to thank you guys for everything you have done for Justin. I know that the choir and the Junior group where involved in everything you did for us. I am forever grateful to you, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask for it. I don’t know what I would have done to get out of the debt if it weren’t for you,” said Mr Hoffman.

  “Well that is what the church is for, we are always going to have your back. Besides, the children really love your boy and they were going to make their fundraiser with or without us, a lot of the credits goes only to them.”

  “Thank you, anyways. So who is this beautiful lady, are you another of the singing angels of the choir?” said Mr Hoffman.

  "I'm Becky, I'm new in town and I've been helping Sam with the Junior Youth Group lately, I am really happy to know that Justin is better now. If you ever need anything, please don't doubt it asking for it."

  Splintered heart

  After translating documents all day long, finally the day was over. My brain hurt from reading so much and when I closed my eyes I could still see the yellow highlighter I used for all the document editing. But at least today I was going to see Sam. We were going to have an official date and we were going to celebrate that he finally lost his last house—the one were the wall punching happened—, I was so proud of him. He had really transformed the place and it looked so amazing after he did all of his magic. He has a really good eye to dream of the possibilities a wrecked place can offer when someone invest time and love in it.